Age regression behaviors were apparent after my brain injury, but I’m not sure when I became aware of them. Like a child I’d learn from watching other people and like an adolescent I thought I new it all and was unsure of everything.
Similar to my youth I became quiet again. I would listen to people and answer their questions, I would ask questions myself, but very seldom would it become a conversation. Just after my brain injury I always spoke with someone I was familiar with, mostly family and therapists. My world was very limited.
Eight months after my brain injury I volunteered at the hospital putting together packets of blank forms together for the doctors and nurses to fill out. I remember dressing in a suit and tie at the introduction meeting, like I was young interviewing for my first drafting job. I was thrilled to be productive and anxious to do the work well. At least I had some confidence when I was young, unlike when I started volunteering and didn’t know my abilities, I didn’t know my limitations.
When I volunteered, I noticed people around me doing their job, they were able to concentrate, they were confident and worked quickly. It seemed I could never be efficient like them. It was sad to realized how far I needed to go to become healthy again. I understand I was volunteering only twice a week for a couple of hours but eventually I became good at what I was doing and felt like I was contributing.
A year or two later, I attempted to volunteer at a graphic design office. After the meeting, I realized how incompetent I was and unrealistic to think of myself as being productive.
Another regressive behavior is my sleeping. I needed to sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon when I was young. Now, again I need to sleep in the afternoon or I become frustrated, my thinking slows and my walking becomes more erratic in the evening. In short, I fall apart since my ability to concentrate is depleted.
Life after a Traumtic Brain Injury
